Playing Advocate for Fetishists

I chuckled when I first read this thread.

In many ways, I can understand how @_vairy would be disturbed by the DM. It is unwanted. It’s a major escalation from, let’s say, receiving surprise dick picks. Her uploading the message to her social media may be her way of coping with the situation. She wants to inform her circles about the existence of this person who made her feel uncomfortable.

But how people who read @_vairy’s tweet then goes to the particular person’s profile and then harass them, that’s never okay in my book.

One of the many comments

Like, why are they there? Who asks them to see this person’s content anyway? Why do they have this “you don’t belong here” mentality towards this person, on Instagram, a public platform they don’t personally own? This person did not DM them, and even if this person did, they could always just say no and press block. People “ngerasa aneh” shouldn’t be this person’s responsibility at all.

I mean, this person approach people on private; they DM-ed them, being direct with their intention. They post things on a free platform, as far as I concerned. They use specific hashtags to network with their circle. They are minding their own business. Nobody is being dirugikan with their fetish. And what do they get? Shaming. Bullying. Humiliation.

Kinks and fetishes are paraphilias: the experience of intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals. Kinks enhance arousals, but when someone have a fetish to something, it became a requirement for inflicting sexual arousals. The DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition — the holy book of psychology) recognize paraphilias, and only when they became paraphilic disorders that the person will need psychological treatments.

I personally am not that kinky, my thing would only be mirrors, facial hairs, and ‘daddies’. It’s nothing compared to something intricate like leather, rubber, or diapers. This non-kinkiness gives me and many other people some sort of privilege of being vanilla. We never have that fear of needing to coming out to our partners or explaining interests people don’t understand. And without acknowledging that we have this privilege, it may lead to some people shaming things they simply just don’t understand about.

It’s a good thing that sex positive movement has been challenging fetish-shaming and/or kink-shaming acts more aggressively in the 21st century. Sexual acts between consensual parties that don’t involve violence and coercions, done safely and respectfully, are matters of personal preferences, so it shouldn’t be other people’s business, really.

Although, I will admit, many times, it’s about how some fetishists seek satisfactions that feels ‘troubling’ to the society, because perhaps a.) They don’t know how to properly approach the desires yet, and b.) The society is just not yet ready to be understanding.

For the first reason, it’s back to the fetishists to educate themselves, and to take responsibility if they make mistakes. People with voyeurism shouldn’t just be a Peeping Tom to random people, and if they do, police officers should get involved as it has become harassment at that point. Same as people with foot fetish (which is a very common type of fetish, mind you); if they’re sniffing their willing partner’s feet in their own bedrooms, everybody should just let them be. While if they’re stealing socks and shoes from the person they’re attracted to, the stealing act should be criminalized, but not the fetish itself.

On regards to our society being not yet ready, we just have to accept that it is the reality we have today here. Even the US only starting to decriminalized same-sex sexual activity during early 1960s, with laws against sodomy were finally declared unconstitutional nation-wide in 2003. This is the part that we can’t control, we can only influence it bit-by-bit, through raising awareness, destigmatizing paraphilias, exercising open-minded conversations, and having overall better education for everyone.

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